


Batstuck? Batfamstuck? Eh, people are gonna die anyway...

by orphan_account



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, BAMF Barbara Gordon, Bad Parents Jack and Janet Drake, Damian Wayne is a Little Shit, Gen, Like he's not THAT insufferable, Protective Jason Todd, SBURB (Homestuck), Swearing, Tags Are Hard, The Rogues Gallery as Family (Batman), Tim Drake Needs Help, but in a good way
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-02
Updated: 2020-04-15
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:08:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22986865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Had an Idea and now I must stick with itBatkids play Sburb...this'll end well
Relationships: Dick Grayson & Everyone, Tim Drake & Jason Todd
Kudos: 14





	1. =>Start

a...young? Man stands in his room. No, today is not his 13th birthday...Or his birthday at all. Anyways, what will his name be?

=>Enter Name

IDIOTIC GYPSY ❌

try again, smartass

=>Enter Name

RICHARD GRAYSON✅

your name is RICHARD, but your FRIENDS AND FAMILY call you DICK. You enjoy activities such as TAKING CARE OF YOUR LITTLE BROTHER, BEING AN ACROBAT, and DOING YOUR JOB. Anyways, what will you do?

=>Check the mail

you realize that the mail has most likely arrived by now. You go out to the mailbox and retrieve the mail. 

=>

A STRANGE PAIR OF ENVOLOPES has arrived. You better check what it is

=>Talk to Jay about it

\--acrobaticEnforcer [AE] started pestering zombifiedMarksman [ZM] at 16:30--

AE:Yo!

AE:ZM!

AE:You up?

ZM:well I am now

ZM:what do you want?

AE:Did you get this strange envelope in the mail?

ZM:I don't know

ZM:haven't had a chance to check yet

AE:Well, if you do, tell me, ok?

ZM:yeah, yeah

ZM:talk to ya later, k?

AE:K!

\--acrobaticEnforcer [AE] has ceased pestering zombified Marksman [ZM] at 16:38--

=>Ask someone else?

\--acrobaticEnforcer [AE] started pestering silentVampire[SV] at 16:39--

AE:Uhh...SV?

SV:?

AE:Have you by any chance

AE:Gotten this strange envelope in the mail?

SV:You got one too?

AE:Does yours say SBURB on it?

SV:Yes

AE:Have you contacted anyone else about it?

SV:Only BO and PE 

AE:Of course rose two...

AE:Look, I'm gonna contact DB, YB, and FA and see if they got it too

SV:Alright

\--acrobaticEnforcer [AE] ceased pestering silentVampire[SV] at 16:42--

=>Be SV

You are now SV, but that is not an acceptable name.

What shall your name be?

=>Enter Name

MUTE FREAK-*slice*

Try again

=>Enter Name

CASSANDRA CAIN✅

There, that wasn't so hard now, was it?

Your name is CASSANDRA, but most of the friends just call you Cass. Your interests include your FAMILY, FRIENDS, and BEING AWESOME.

What should you do?

=>Study Game

<p>This new game came in the mail today. You've never heard about it before.</p>

=>Ask BO and PE about it?

You've already done that, idiot!

=>Apearantly ZM got a copy too

No, Big Brother only said that he ASKED him, not that he got a copy

You thought about talking to your baby brother about it

Actually, that sounds like a good idea,though

\--silentVampire[SV] started pestering assasinsBlade[AB] at 16:41--

SV:Hello AB 

AB:What do you want, Cain?

SV:Calm down, I only wanted to ask if you got this weird game in the mail

SV:It's called "SBurb" if you needed a name

AB:Well, as a matter of fact

AB:I DID get a game like that

AB:But why would /you/ need to know

SV:Just curious

SV:Because Me, Dick,PE,BO-and maybe ZM- all got the same game

AB:...Suspicious

SV:Exactly what I thought

AB:Well, goodbye Cain

SV:See you later

\--assasinsBlade[AB] ceased pestering silentVampire[SV at 16:49--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edit made April 23:Combined Chapters 1 and 2


	2. =>ZM:Check Mailbox

You are now ZM; but again, that's not a name. What is your name?

=>Enter Name

ANGRY ASSHOLE❌

Can't you think of a name that ISN'T insulting?

=>Enter Name

JASON TODD✅

Your name is JASON. Other people call you different things like Little wing, Jay, Jay-bird, Jay Lad, or simply, Todd. Your interests include SHOOTING GUNS, PROTECTING YOUR LITTLE BROTHER, and BEING AWESOME.

=>Get Mail

You should probably get the mail right now. Dick mentioned a strange game and he was wondering if you got it.

=>

WELL, that answers that question

\--zombifiedMarksman started pestering acrobaticEnforcer at 16:50--

ZM:ok, I got the game

ZM:now what?

AE:Well, I just talked to BD and he said that he's going to investigate

AE:I also takes to Cass, she got it too

AE:So did PE, BO, and AB 

ZM:think we all got a copy?

AE:Looks like it

ZM:Well

ZM:Why don't we play?

=>FA:Re-Read What Dick messaged you

You are now FA, but you do need an actual name to continue,so what will it be?

=>Enter Name

CLONING MASSACRE❌

Why can't you take anything seriously?

=>Enter Name

TERRY MCGINNIS✅

Your name is TERRY. Your...brother? You think...? Sent you a message concerning the game that came in the mail earlier today. Apparently everyone in this hellhole of a family got it so he started to wonder if everyone else got it.

Enough about that, your interests include...uh...(What does he like?) No one really knows what you like. Vengeance? Probably? Who knows.

What will you do?

=>Look outside

You decide to look outside. It's remarkably pretty today, maybe you could go ou- 

=>

Nope, nope bad idea. Noooooope 

=>Check Pesterchum

Dick started messaging you again

AE:Hey, I'm back

AE:Jay and I started to play and guess what?

FA:What?

AE:It's a game that bends reality 

AE:....and also requires a player chain

AE:Jay lad and I have somewhat worked out how the chain is going to go

AE:Me->You->Cass->BO->PE->AB->YB->BD->Jay->Me

FA:Alright

AE:Great!

\--acrbaticEnforcer ceased pestering futeristicAladdin at 16:59--

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> #Cue me ranting about how I know zilch about Terry as a character in 3,2,1#
> 
> As you can clearly tell, I have NOT seen Batman Beyond, therefore not knowing Terry as well as people who HAVE seen that show. And yes, I HAVE checked the wiki's , those didn't help me either. So he may be out of character but p much everyone is going to be out of character, so there.*hmph*


	3. =>

\--zombifiedMarksman[ZM] started pestering batarangsDetective[BD] at 17:03--

ZM:hey replacement!

ZM:have you got the game downloaded yet?

BD:yes Jay

BD:it's downloaded

BD:now can you clean your room so that I could actually place things down?

ZM:h-HEY!

ZM:IT'S NOT THAT MESSY!

BD:oh really?

BD:then explain all the clothes on the floor?

ZM:why can't you just clean it up?

BD:your mess

BD:your problem

ZM:hey! it is not a mess

ZM:it's controlled Chaos

BD:uh, yeah

BD:this chaos looks like it's the OPPOSITE of controlled

ZM:go fuck yourself!

ZM:can you just clean it up yourself?

BD:...fine

=>BD:Clean Jays mess

You pick up one thing off of the floor of his room. It's a pile of clothes, specifically jackets, more specifically leather jackets.

=>

you pick up another pile. This time, empty popcorn bags

=>

the last pile you pick up is of dvd's and cd's 

You...don't want to know what the contents are

=>BD:introduce yourself!

about fucking time!

Your name is TIMOTHY DRAKE, but people just call you TIM,TIMBO, or TIMMY. You enjoy BEING A NERD and TRYING TO SURVIVE.

=>continue cleaning?

HELL NO!

=>Check to see if parents are home

your parents haven't been home in years, so that would be pretty useless

Your parents were barely home in the first place anyway...

=>Start placing down machines

the first machine you place down in Jays house is something called a "Totum Lathe"

You place it in a convenient nook next to his bookshelf 

=>

The second machine you place down is called a "Cruxtruder"

This one you place down near his bed

=>

You expand the room so that you could place down a platform-looking machine 

BD:there

BD:your precious machines

BD:happy?

ZM:very

=>Be The Purple Girl

You are now the Purple Girl

But is "Purple Girl" an ACTUAL NAME? No

=>Enter Name

ANNOYING BITCH❌

First off, rude. Second off, please don't call anyone in this story a bitch 

=>Enter Name

STEPHANIE BROWN✅

Your name is STEPHANIE BROWN, but everyone just calls you STEPH. You enjoy CLOAKS, SECRETS, and the color PUTPLE

What will you do?

=>Recall Conversation from earlier

\--silentVampire[SV] started pestering purpleEnlightenment[PE] at 16:35--

SV:Hey, Steph

PE:what is it, Cass?😁

SV:Did a mysterious game get shipped to your house earlier?

PE:Dunno

PE:I'll go check the mail

PE:Yeah...

PE:Wait

PE:Why do you ask?

SV:Because Me and BO also got it

PE:Oh...

PE:That makes sense

PE:Anyway, talk to you later!!!💜

SV:You too

\--purpleEnlightenment[PE] ceased pestering silentVampire[SV] at 16:40--

Well, that was weird

Did everyone get one of-

=>

Hold on, someone's pestering-

=>

*sigh* God damnit, what does she want?

\--cattyClawsomeness[CC] started trolling purpleEnlightenment[PE] at 17:12--

CC:Meow

PE:What do you want😡

CC:Oh, nothin9 much

PE:Then why are you talking to me!!!

CC:Look kitten, I 9ust want to help 9ou

PE:Help me?!?

PE:HELP ME?!?

PE:HELP ME WITH WHAT!?!?

CC:The 9ame of course!

PE:Why would I want help from someone who's made my life a living hell for the past 5 years?

CC:Look, this isn't optional and I'm not particularl9 happ9 about this either

CC:But, if 9ou want to survive the 9ame 

CC:Listen to the help

PE:...alright

=>Back to Tim

You cannot be Tim because Tim is currently in a heated debate with another troll

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Questions concerning Rogues:
> 
> Jon:Heart or Doom?
> 
> Ra's:Life or Doom?
> 
> Ed:Mind or Void?
> 
> Joker:Rage or Breath?
> 
> Harvey...just...What aspect should be have?!?
> 
> Alright! That is all, sea you next time


	4. =>See Conversation Anyway

\--questionmarkQuizes[QQ] started trolling batarangsDetective[BD] at 17:10--

QQ:Why h?llo T!mothy

BD:what do you want?

QQ:R?ll#x, r?l#x

QQ:!'m not go!ng to g!v? your compt?r #noth?r v!rus 

QQ:Though th#t !s t?mpt!ng...

QQ:N?v?r th? l?ss, ! w#nt to h?lp you

BD:...why?!?

QQ:OK, W#NT !s a strong word

QQ:!'m not a strong troll

QQ:!t's more so "JC thr?#t?n?d to burn down ?v?ryth!ng ! hold d?#r !f ! don't do th!s"

QQ:! know !C !sn't go!ng to do th!s

QQ:JC's just purple

QQ:Not ?v?n V!OLET

QQ:!C's FUSC!#! FUCK!NG ROY#LTY!

BD:uh...

QQ:Oh r!ght...

QQ:You hum#ns don't have a h?mosp?ctrum on...Wh#t w#s !t #g#!n?

QQ:?#rth?

QQ:Who c#r?s. On #lt?rn!#, Th?r?s th!s th!ng c#lled th? H?mosp?strum

QQ:Your pl#c? On !t !s d?t?rmin?d by your blood color

QQ:Burgundy to Fusc!#

QQ:Poor?st to Roy#lty

QQ:Got !t?

BD:uh...

QQ:Good

BD:where are you on this homosention thing?

QQ:F!rst, !ts H?mosp?ctrum

QQ:S?cond, TO C#N'T JUST #SO SOM?ON? TH#T!!!

QQ:Th!rd, T?#l

BD:OK

QQ:Now, ! b?tt?r st#rt h?lp!ng you b?for? the others try to "H?lp" in th?!r Own ways

BD:woah there, buddy

BD:I know you have to help me and all

BD:but a) don't know your name

BD:b) you're one of the 15,000,000 reasons my life's a living hell

BD:and c)why should I accept your help?

BD:how do I know you aren't trying to kill me?

QQ:You don't

QQ:Th#ts th? fun p#dr

QQ:#lso, !'I'm t?ll you my n#m? wh?n ! f??l l!k? !t

BD:greeeeeeaaaaaattttt


End file.
